Too bad.

I looked in front of the mirror and I said to myself, what the hell happened to me? This is not the entity I have always known, the person I believed that can change everything. Everything.

But now here I am, standing by the lamppost--the same lamppost where I promised to kiss my faithful one--but I am lacking. I am not sufficient myself; if I will talk once more, I might as well break down. I don't know what's happening anymore. I'm being lost in the forests of my thought, constantly striving not to see but to feel my way out. I am really afraid to let go of the vines that pointed my path; but, I am too depressed to reach out for another vine. My imagination clouds my intuition--I can't set my inspirations apart from my faith. I am strangled by the familiar scent of wildflowers that sprouts unevenly as I cross my road. I am too shattered to be radiant, too dull to be signaling, too broken to walk. I scrawl every tree I pass the name of the clouds I see up above; for now, I don't want them to leave my side. I wish for a flashlight but what I get is a tiny flask with a firefly within, dawdling lively and playing by the graces of the unknown.

I am keeping myself busy, shouting and yelling for help.

Do I get any help?

Do I even exist?

I am reminiscient. I remember.

It's funny how very predictable we were back then. The first thing we do in the morning is sob, cram, scram and run. With all that endless assignments, lengthy memorization materials and very frightening examinations, we always resort to one thing: cram.

Ahh yes, cramming is not abnormal in a student, especially in my kind of system nowadays. It is when you do something enjoying and relatively distracting thing before doing your assignment. for example, we always play RAKION (but we don't nowadays -__-") before getting home. When we get home, it is almost the same. We turn the PC on and log in in our yahoo! messenger account. It is like as if it is prerecorded and almost every day we do it. Funny? Yes... Very funny indeed.

But now it is so different--very different. You are given the chance to either do your assignment or not. You are free to get in the class or not. You are given with that much freedom that, all you have to do is pass the exam and it is all right. That is college life. You are on your own with nothing but faith and a little common sense.

Scary? Maybe. But it is all up to you.

God, I really miss the high school life. And it is all because of this certain fact: we were innocents back then. We always bear in mind that there will be something we get after we do something. We always put things for tomorrow for we think that we, with much persuasion, will no longer record the assignment and, to spice up the teacher's favor, entice her with much stories she can relate to.

We were innocents. We are reminiscient. We remember. We think. Therefore, we are.

I am eerie. Today's eerie.

This day is the dullest day of my life, so far. I mean, I am a sordid true-talker today. I always say bad bad things about others. I even lie. See the intensity?? Well, all I could say to myself, I did what I can. At least, I've just pasted a filler to that gaping hole of mine. Hurrah, I am good. No, I am the best. Sorry for my stupidity and my egocentric and short-lived pride T.T

Well, at least I am innocent now. I am free. Wooh, It felt better than when I am saying it over and over inside my head.