Scram.

I hate everything I have been doing to myself lately. I chose then chose not to; I hoped but hoped not to. What's wrong with me?? I haven't been "decisive" about everything that crossed my path. Is this, by any chance, the contradiction between a chance and a choice? I'm scared.

Okay, so what's up with my life? I guess, none YET. I have many things I am looking forward to and I hope my expectations won't dry out. Here are the updates:

(1) Toodleloo! We are going to Cebu tomorrow! Yatta~! But guess what: I am not excited! Good, ain't it? My original plan was boycott but I had to accompany them. The word "accompany" now seemed like going with a dog in the park! Creepy but true. O.o

(2) I am constantly praying for a high grade in Sociology & Anthropology course. Please, I beg of you, help me. No. Save me!

So I guess there are only two things. And it all comes down to this: why is it always up to number 2? Can't I update myself better? Can anybody help me with my grades? Can I at least achieve a third or so in my "updates" list? Can I write better questions?? Ok. I'm done with it.

Read the title. Scram. It's a word, duh.

Yatta~!

After a thousand tries, it has finally come down to this. Well, at least I am glad that I was able to open this, uhh, thing.

You see, I had been opening it since November and I was kind of hoping for some good comments. Unfortunately, the turn-out was zero; I have to declare first to my former classmates that I added a new post on my blog before they could even say to themselves that they remember. That is a bad thing: it only means that I am easy to be forgotten. Anyways, just an update, I will write again. Or so it seems.

For one, I am often ridiculed with many people. It is not because I think that I am being a paranoid, exclaiming with a satanic voice, "were you talking about me??" That would be the last thing I would do in a strange crowd. But, as my first statement goes, I really do no know hope to cope up with it. My sister said to me once that the difference between an animal and a human being is that we have schizophrenia; we have that distant voice in our heads that is telling us to always fight to reach the top and subjecting us to listen and conform with it. I guess that is not normal. If that is not normal, then maybe we are not just imperfect but really disarranged. You want proof? Go out with an insane woman then talk about being insane. Ooh, I do not make sense.

Second, just a speculation, I really am a loner. Boohoohoo. It is not that I seek for something special, it is that I expect more. I guess contentment is not in my system. I am always thirsty though drenched and always hungry though a cornucopia of delicacies is set before me. Is it greed? Avarice? Gluttony?? Of course not. IT is hunger. Feed me in an insaniquarium.

Hmm... I guess that's a wrap. There is nothing special, just private. And, as everybody does know, the net is not the place meant for secrets. Beware of the blackmail, says the ad. Hmm... I think this is a journal, not a diary, moreover psychotherapy. Haha.