Wait.

When will I learn? I mean, I am always making the same mistakes--the same boring and untalented acts--and yet I don't learn from it. Don't you think it is somewhat stupid to even call yourself smart if you aren't smart and decisive with your actions.

First Query: Is it really failure? Is this rain a failure? No, because there is no such thing as failure. Failure are only made by people, not man-made entities. Man thinks it is failure because it is to him. But, in truth, he is the failure because he missed the point: it is only there to make you think again.

Second Query: Do you think I'm stupid? Yeah, because you are forgetful. You are stupid because you only understand half truths and whole lies. You are stupid because you regard yourself as a much more stupid person. Stupid? Yes, because you are.

There you have it, all the dilemmas and predicaments I pondered as I am walking home. Haha, funny ain't it?

Hmmp to you too, minuteman.

I am mad at you and you didn't even noticed. Am I just too easy to be ignored? I mean, I opened up to you and trusted you. And, what did you do? Oh yeah, you spoiled my little secret. Trust, for me, is the only thing I couldn't give recklessly. And, by just one mistake, it may be gone to you. View it as if I am giving you two candies for yourself. But, you stupidly shared the other one to someone as arrogant as you, then you see my point. Then you ask yourself, where is the candy? In some other's tummy, fool. I gave it to you?! Why did you shared it with someone else??

For this, I hate you. Sorry, but the situation is entirely irreversible. When you look at it, it is nothing but a fallen leaf but to me, it is a whole tree. A whole tree was toppled by someone so dim-witted as you. *Sigh*

I am feeling sorry for you. It is because you just let me see how shallow-minded you are. Still, you swim near the shore; please try the deep waters. Then I will see you drowning. And, trust me, I will take a picture of you drowning as a remembrance of my success of revenge.

Stop waving, dammit!

It felt like good bye. I mean, it really did. Am I supposed to look at it as if it is even ironic, or should I walk to him and say something that can help restore what was lost? Can I, in my powers, can do such trememdous task? Yes, maybe, if it is my last resort.

Stop waving, dammit. You are not helping. You are supposed to be helping him to get back to us and not tolerating his sudden behavior. Believe, I tell you. Believe. Believe even once--believe as if you will die tomorrow and you are preventing it--believe as if you are just saying hello instead of good bye.

You know what, I can't write anymore. I can't continue this. I should be doing it, not jsut writing it. But, when all else fails, maybe it is a good bye. Maybe we can't prevent him from choosing his own path, even if we think he is choosing a wrong one. Maybe, it is too early to judge something so gargantuan, so big. Maybe, we'll just have to wait. Patience, my boy. Patience.

Because of you.

Who broke the puzzle? Was it you? Of course it is you, I caught you red-handed. You are disarranging everything and making unnecessary marks on my lovely piece. Who are you, you didn't even put effort in setting it up, then look at you: you are ruining my picturesque of beauty. Who will I accuse? Who else?

Tsk, tsk, tsk. You've made quite a mess. You destroyed my puzzle, you put water to my paper, you smeared my only loved letters with ink. How stupid can you get? Even better?? Duh, I mean, you are a college student yourself, you always make it a point that you came from a prestigious school (who by the way is really unknown to me), and you are honed by a different set of friends, yet you still make the same mistake. Is it intentional? Is it? Tell me, or I will not spare you my understanding.

I am always doubtful if ever it is you that I am supposed to blame. I mean, you are that same childish teenager who I don't get along very well with, but still, you are as good as you are. Well, after what you've done, I can't tell anymore. You are that klutz--klutz with words, actions, and almost everything. No, I mean, everything.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I can really tell that it is you who is supposed to be blame. We are a good circle. A near perfect circle. But, what you did is that you erased a part of it and draw a skewing line. Stupid, stupid.

Put the gun in your mouth and push the trigger.

Do you remember what I wrote about lying? I can't believe I will be taking part in that hypothesis. And, in one part of it, I have to lie to myself.

Is is really necessity to lie to yourself? You always tell yourself that everything is as okay as it is before it is broken, yet you know to yourself that it is never okay. You always look away from seeing something, yet you know there is something going on that is bad.

"Willful ignorance is intolerable."

Is it really intolerable? Yeah, maybe, because you are making a fool out of yourself. I mean, who is stupid enough to believe in himself that everything is good as it is? Willful ignorance is like doing a favor to yourself. Instead of indulging yourself in the abhorrent "wordly" splendour, you just sit silently in a corner, pretending like a wussy little girl hiding beneath his momma's dress. Bad? No, of course not. It is good for you, remember?

Well, it ends here. I don't want to expound on the same fact that I am lying to myself. I can't even tell myself to be good to me even once. Even once.

Raison D'etre (Reason to Be)

There she lays, in the half-lit corridor, naked & in peace. Distraught took over her; she was overpowered by desire. There she lays, a knife at hand, silenced as if mute. Her eyes swollen from fear, her tears filled. Slowly, it rilled down, pulled by the weight above her.

Despair, despair. Her arms were seized by darkness. She shouted but no help echoed in the gloomy abyss. She shrieked but only heard herself strained by the hopeless terror before her.

She felt every finger, every hand and every slap. Out of the lust, her life was transformed. Whispers are all over her; her heart, beaten and terrified to even fight back.

She closed her eyes, wishing that everything is a dream. "Is it a dream?" she asked. She prayed and prayed but her voice was hushed by the nightmare.

Slowly, she felt her body being freed from the darkness. She sighed. And, inch by inch her body was being raised. The playful breeze mingled with her bare chest, telling her that everything will end. And, as if in an instant, she felt her body falling to a deeper circle, deeper than the voices she heard. Above, she can hear the mischievous laughters of the differed ones,as if observing her. Then, everything went to blank as she hears a silent fall beyond the trees.

Wahaha

My Japanese Name Is...

Shou Kujo